I so already came up with that!

2 Dec

You know how you sometimes have an idea that is so brilliant and so obvious that you can’t believe that no one else has already produced, manufactured or published it?  You tell your friends about it and how much moolah is going to pour into your coffers once it gets unleashed to the public.  Then you order another beer, snarf down a bag a Cheetos and don’t really revisit it too much until years later when you see it in an infomercial and exclaim with pride “I so already came up with that”.  Because I am an unsung inventor and arbiter of good taste, this has happened to me at least a dozen times.  Most recently with this:

When this idea first came to me I was in college.  It was the late 1980s and the cultural landscape wasn’t quite the snuggly Benetton ad that it is now.  I laughed myself silly over the untapped possibilities for the Chia brand.  Some of these gems are now dead in the water due to metrosexual manscaping practices that are currently en vogue.  But, the crown jewel of my theoretical collection was a Chia Brother.  Having formed the majority of my pop-culture identity in the 1970s, my muses were The Harlem Globe Trotters and Lamont Sandford.  Oh, the glory that could be of that sienna colored bust sprouting a beautiful, thick flora afro made my heart flutter.   I even envisioned a tiny Black Panther pick for keeping it tidy.

Ultimately, I kept this top-secret vision under wraps because I knew the world couldn’t handle it yet…and it was last call.  To express it openly would have suggested I was racist and subversive.  Kids, times were just different then.

But now, some (ahem) twenty years later , we have a sorta black President of the United States and there has been a sea change.  Joseph Enterprises, the company that makes the Chia line, has said, “Yes we can!”.  The irony is that the ‘fro is no longer in style.  The Obama Chia will have to be clipped twice a week to stay true to its namesake’s hairdo, or lack thereof.  Bummer.

What product have you created that some Johnny-Come-Lately is raking it in with?


10 Responses to “I so already came up with that!”

  1. Marshall December 2, 2010 at 6:43 pm #


    This is funny… I lOLed a couple of times… a VERY nice start amiga! I think you vocabulary is good. Cant wait for the next one…

  2. Katie December 2, 2010 at 7:07 pm #

    Love, love, love! You are an extremely talented writer with an amazing wit and I am thrilled that you are embarking on this new adventure! I am very excited about this and am looking forward to much, much more from Hot Damn Charlotte Ann!

    • Tracy Wilson December 2, 2010 at 7:23 pm #

      This is great. My only comment is that I am shocked that the little bust of your past was not Lionel Richie!

      • Hot damn, Charlotte Ann! December 2, 2010 at 10:34 pm #

        To be saved for a future post…you know it’s going to have to happen!

  3. Russ December 2, 2010 at 9:50 pm #

    Mine was about 10 years ago while in Ukraine. The women on the trip couldn’t treally use a public restroom because of the unbelievable conditions (a man can just go anywhere – a much less intimate moment for us). Anyway, I immediately thought of the need for a way to “make” a woman more like a man when it comes to the urination process. This was the first time I ever uttered the word…”Shenis”. Apparently, this device is now available and in use by many women traveling all over the less developed world. However, I still have yet to see one called the Shenis, so there may be hope yet for me and my future millions.

  4. Lisa December 2, 2010 at 9:59 pm #

    While I did laugh about a 1/2 glass worth of wine calories off whilst reading this, I can’t help but feel the sphincter twitch you feel when someone happens upon your best secret off-price shopping venue. I must come to grips with the fact that the land of Charlotte Candor is no longer Little Red’s personal feel good place. Good stuff. Share it with the world, sista.

  5. Anita Costello December 3, 2010 at 1:09 am #

    Brilliant!!!!! I will be forwarding the link on and spreading the word 🙂

  6. G O'Neal December 9, 2010 at 2:13 am #

    Looking for the pic or video of the Lionel Ritchie head made of Starburst Candy !

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