Snow day

10 Jan

Chilly Gargoyle

We are having a snow day in Atlanta, y’all.  For reals.  Luckily, we have had several days to prepare for this oddity, each day with escalating hysteria.  At first it was going to be a couple of inches, then it jacked up to 8-10” with ice on top.  The current state at my house is 4” with sleet coming down now.  At least something has actually happened this time.  In years gone we have lost our marbles preparing for imminent blizzards (yes, that word passes over the lips of Atlanta meteorologists without a trace of sarcasm) only to have nothing to show for it but a low mercury line on the thermometer.  Personally, I have wondered if these snow day disappointments were really some sort of government conspiracy to help out grocers and hardware stores with sagging sales.

The last eggs in Atlanta...and two were cracked.

Like I said, there was a lot of time to prepare.  There seems to be a holy trinity of blizzard preparation in Atlanta: milk, eggs and bread.  Why?  Is there going to be a neighborhood French Toast eggstravaganza?  Is quiche the new comfort food in the same way that 50 is the new 40? When I went to the store (oh yes, I did!) I stocked up on limes and tonic.  This being Georgia, I knew to make the liquor store run on Friday.  No liquor sales here on Sunday!

I feel a little bit insulted watching the News sometimes, the way the newscasters feel like they must explain to me that ice makes roads slippery and difficult to drive on, that I should dress warmly if I go outside and that when snow melts, but then it gets below 32 degrees again, it will re-freeze.  Gosh, really? Like, I had no idea!  It also slays me that the News has messages for people whose power has gone out.  I’m sure that they would appreciate the shout, if they were actually able to use their television sets.   On a side note, are they even still called sets?

Have you enrolled yet?

My mother-in-law has turned me onto my new favorite inclement weather sport: watching the News crawl for the “creative” and “clever” names of area schools, churches and businesses.  Among my favorite “private schools” are: Angels in Progress Academy, Destined For Greatness Academy.  There is a slew of them that purposely misspell their names: Dozier’s Kiddie Kollege, Kidz Palace Learning Academy, Victorious Kidz Academey (they even misspelled academy), Wisekidz Learning Ctr.  I can’t imagine feeling okay writing a check to a kollege.  There is no shortage of schools that have the word Hope in them, too.  That gives me none.  Beauty schools tend to have top-notch names, like “International School of Skin”.


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