Golden Globes…that’s what she said.

17 Jan

Last night I finally took a stand and got my sofa back.  Big Daddy and the boy-child have been binging on football since just after Thanksgiving and it. had. to. stop.   In language that they understood, I calmly explained that the Golden Globe awards are my “play-offs” and the Academy Awards will be my Superbowl.  There must have been a little crazy in my eye, ‘cause neither one said a word as they went to the basement.

Better than the actual show is the E! coverage with Ryan Seacrest, Giuliana Ransic and Kelly Osborn.  They have pithy exchanges and get the presenters and nominees to submit to the 360 degree glam-cam.  My favorite 2011 red carpet quote came from teenage twerp, Justin Bieber.  When asked about his upcoming movie biopic (my fingers cramp typing that) the voice of a generation said, “the movie’s really inspiring and really like, I feel like a lot of people will definitely, like I said, be inspired by it.”  Um, like, definitely, Justin.

Okay, the get-ups.  Where was the jewelry?  Let’s talk.

I was relieved to see that the classic tuxedo was in full force.  No one wore weird colors, strangely textured lapels, hipster facial hair or 15 gauzy scarves. While Trent Reznor looked surprisingly normal, Kevin Bacon came dressed as K.D. Lang.

But it’s the women who we’re really checking out, right?  Unfortunately, Bjork hasn’t done a thing since Dancer In The Dark, so it was left to Helena Bonham Carter to bring the kooky…she wore two different colored shoes with some hair stuff going on (see Scarlett’s inspiration below).  Is that the best she got?

It's more of a mess than anything else

I am wondering if the “Stars”, in an act of solidarity for the rest of the country’s economic issues, have sworn off good jewelry and fired their stylists in favor of sexy mock ups of costuming from the past.  Role call for the “Scarlet O’Hara outsmartin’ Yankees in the drapes” inspired look:

Fiddle-dee-dee, still the cutest trick in shoe leather

Catherine Zeta Jones, Mila Kunis, Elizabeth Moss, Anjelina Jolie all came from a sexy Tara party…

Catherine Zeta-Jones going to the Old South Ball

Mila Kunis...busted

Daughters of the Confederacy secretary, Angelina Jolie

Or how about Scarlett Johansson’s Bride of Frankenstein nod?

Reanimated Elsa Lanchester rocked it first

Is this the metaphorical statement about how ScarJo is feeling about her recent divorce?

It cracked me up how the presenters who figured out that their dresses were homely and lackluster strutted out on the stage yanking their dress slits off to the side to show some leg and get some validation.  Yes, I’m calling out Leighton Meester’s Ruby Ridge cocktail dress

Leighteon Meester prepared to guerilla audition for Big Love

and J. Lo.’s Ice Capades/Yenta/Bridesmaid dress.

Did Jennifer Lopez actually rewear a bridesmaid dress?

But MY favorite look of the night was

Kyra Sedgewick

The actual awards portion was pretty ho-hum and blah, blah, blah.  However, I’ve got this to say: Ricky Gervais had better watch his back for Zenu.  I loved that he just didn’t care who he offended.   He will not be partying in the Grotto at Hef’s ever again.  Robert Downey Jr. had the best presentation.  Did anyone else pick up on Jennifer Love Hewitt shooting eye daggers when she lost?  Or the Brangelina tension of Brad saying “don’t effing talk to me whore” to Angelina with his jaw?, during Robert de Niro’s acceptance?  It was one of the most savory moments I’ve seen in weeks.

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One Response to “Golden Globes…that’s what she said.”

  1. Laurel January 17, 2011 at 12:15 pm #

    Thanks for the pithy recap. Had I know Ricky Gervais was going to make everybody so mad, I might have broken my streak of not watching awards shows! It sounds like he was playing to the “at home” crowd…you know, those of us who see the commercials and therefore pay for the pomp and circumstance.

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