Drop a dime on me

3 Feb

Times are tough, people.  Duh, you know.  Last week we had our annual meeting with our financial planner.  From the time I woke up until I tagged a Xanax, I thought I was going to soil myself from the aggregate anxiety.  I guess that the upside is that there is still something to plan with, but God, was it painful.  Luckily, it turns out, there is a fail-safe formula for clawing out of this hole.  And wouldn’t you know that it is the exact polar formula for dropping weight.  The goal is to bring in more money than you spend; eat fewer calories than you burn.  This actually explains a lot.  I have been doing it all backwards.  If I can make the switch, my bank account and waist to hip ratio will respectively be fatter and leaner instead of vice versa.  Sounds super easy.

There’s always a hitch though, right?  Unless anyone wants to make it rain for me, I’m going to have to adjust that whole spend part.  So, I looked over my expenditures today, and they haven’t been that unreasonable.  The bulk of my money is spent at grocery stores, gas stations and the pharmacy.  I feel like with the amount of dollars being exchanged, I should be wearing a cocktail dress with a martini glass in my hand instead of slinkin’ around in jeans n’ Uggs on the weekly rounds.

When I was in college, my roommate, Lisa, and I made a sport out living on the cheap.  Now make no mistake, we were by no means a couple of spend-thrifts, but there were certain things that it just made no sense to spend your drinking or wardrobe money on.   For instance, we spent nary a dime on toilet paper…we just snagged it from the campus janitor’s closet in between classes.  Sure, it had the same texture as a cat’s tongue, but it was free.  And we kept our thermostat low.  Really low.  Not only did that save money, but we deducted that it also forced our bodies to work harder to stay warm; we were actually fat burning and saving at the same time.  On a side note here:  We caught a ton of shit for this reasoning, but guess what study recently came out.  Uh-huh.  Right here.  And if we had a keg on the front porch?  We’d drive to a no-tell motel and get all of the ice we needed from the ice machine under the stairs.  Brilliant, no?

Thurston and Lovey weathering the storm

I’m now slightly above petty pilfering and taking advantage of courtesy samples in bulk.  But, I do need to cut the bleeding a bit.  Heck, if these two could live off of banana pies and coconut batteries from 1963 to 1967 while they were stuck on that island, I can tweak the output without too much of a gaping hole in my lifestyle.  The Howells never had a shortage of silk pajamas, boas and smoking jackets, and I aim to say the same for myself and mine.

I am welcoming any suggestions from the peanut gallery that don’t involve web-cameras and setting up a Pay-pal account on where to start?


2 Responses to “Drop a dime on me”

  1. Tracy February 3, 2011 at 10:05 am #

    Move to Sandy Springs. Oh wait, that is us. Sorry. Love the ice thing. You know how we can always use some. May have to try that.

  2. Jamie February 3, 2011 at 11:58 pm #

    Charlotte Ann, I find your blog posts both interesting and entertaining.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: