What’ll ya drink?

21 Feb


There is some sort of funky bug working its way through our house.  Last week my people were sputtering, honking and hacking.  Of course, a garden variety cold is just fine for the family, but it’s too common for me.  I had to go and get myself a MRSA infection in the shoulder with a side of hernia.  I digress.  See, even when I am trying to talk about my ailing family, I make it about me.  Me! Me! Me! I! I! I!

Bad week to quit sniffing glue?

So the other day I am at my vacation home, CVS Pharmacy, stocking up on antibiotics, Tefla bandages and Hiba cleanse.  It occurs to me that we are low on cough syrup so I heave some of that on the counter too.  I got carded.  For Robo.  Miley Cyrus can publicly celebrate her eighteenth birthday at a bar, but I’m getting carded for decongestant?  Apparently the kids will turn just about anything into an illicit drug these days.  You can’t give them anything nice.  Jeesh.  What happened to good ol’ sniffing glue and smoking pot?  I felt like I was adopting a child the last time I bought Sudafed.  I had to ask for permission, fork over my identification and then sign a waiver.  And of course they already had my address in their system.

Make mine a double

This shakedown by the man for a little cough syrup can be traced to the likes of L’il Wayne and JaMarcus Russel.  You know, JaMarcus Russel’s famous Purple Drank that got him in all sorts of trouble?  It’s a mixture of codeine syrup with soda or Hawaiin Punch.  The kids call it Sizzup and it goes awesome with a blunt or some sherm.

However…there’s always a however, isn’t there?  I did log a little time at boarding school back in the day and am somewhat familiar with the concept of cough syrup served straight up or on the rocks.  Yes, by white kids from good families.  Spoiler, I know.  If you were on the cross country team, you made a point to run past, and inside of, this small pharmacy just off campus.  I am convinced their biggest money makers were Marlboro Lights and Robotussin DM.  Eventually, the school caught on and arranged for the pharmacy to not sell anything stronger than bubble gum to students.  And that’s when things got interesting.


A young wine with hints of feet

Many a prep school graduate develops a taste for fine wine.  That’s likely because they started out decanting and drinking Pruno, later swearing to only drink the good stuff after graduation.  Pruno is also known by the names Boarding School Bordeaux or Jail Juice.  This situation is this.  You get a glass jug of grape juice, tie up a bunch of saltines, or a pilfered roll from dinner, in an old pair of pantyhose and dunk it into the jar.  Some people also like to add a bit of sugar, fruit cocktail or even a pack of ketchup to their “blend”.  Push the jug to the back of your dark, cool closet next to some other food items so that it goes unnoticed during room inspections.  In about three weeks you will strain the mix through another pair of panty hose and presto!  You’re a vinter!  Um, but don’t pat yourself on the back until you’ve had a whiff and a swig.  I suspect that you could strip furniture and ward off evil spirits with this stuff.


4 Responses to “What’ll ya drink?”

  1. Laurel February 22, 2011 at 1:19 am #

    I’m not sure even I would drink that.


  1. Bacon is the new black « Hot damn, Charlotte Ann! - April 21, 2011

    […] here.  Seems like a lot of work.  I have done my time with home distillery.  Remember my Boarding School Bordeaux?  Just go to your local package store and ask for Bakon Vodka to get started in screwing your […]

  2. Atlanta Comedy Club & Lounge | Laughing Skull Lounge - May 16, 2011

    […] here.  Seems like a lot of work.  I have done my time with home distillery.  Remember my Boarding School Bordeaux?  Just go to your local package store and ask for Bakon Vodka to get started in screwing your […]

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