Potty paradise

8 Mar

A proctologist can tell you pretty much anything you would want to know about your potty puddin’.  But what does your actual potty say about you?  The range of toilets and the, dare I say, luxury of some, let me know that we humans have really conquered pretty much everything.  I mean, let’s just be clear for a minute.  I’m talking about a glorified bucket for keeping waste off the floors.  But that doesn’t keep us from bedazzling it anyway we can with finishes, bells and whistles.  That sparkly number above?  You, too, can soil it in the comfort of your home for a mere $75,000.00  Break out the bean-dip, ’cause you’re gonna get your money’s worth!

Ancient Romans are credited with inventing a sewage system thousands of years ago.  King Minos of Crete may have had the first flushing potty more than 2800 years ago.  The Old World history lover might pay homage to the cradle of civilization by installing this…

Of course, you may be a little less interested in the Mediterranean way of living.  Perhaps you see yourself as more of an Anglophile.  If not a King, you could be a Duke…

Or do you have the Midas touch, where everything that you touch turns to gold?

If your crapper ever looks like this, I am going to bet that your co-workers whisper the words “crazy cat lady” the moment you walk out of the break room…

But not everyone is so concerned about how their toilet looks, it’s all about what it does.  The Japanese are masters at integrating technology into everyday living…

Now, I have actually had the opportunity to become acquainted with something very similar to this little ditty.  My friends, Stacy and Nat, have one.  It has a built in bidet feature that will spritz your no-no place with water, at a temperature of your choice.  If something more thorough is required, it will also pulse.  A-hem.  Then it will blow-dry the freshly cleansed area.  And when everything is done, a poof of air freshener is emitted.  And see that control panel?  It’s actually a removable remote control wand.  WTF?!  I don’t know why it is needed, but at a party girlfriends Dorsey and Sydney had a big time convincing me that I had to pee in this particular bathroom and then stood on the other side of the door giggling and remotely squirting me.

If you aren’t in Japan or don’t have access to online ordering, you might happen to live in Appalchia.  In that case, cue the banjos because your potty may look more like this…

Haven’t had enough?  Check out this blog from Christ Church, New Zealand.  Remember that awful earthquake they had?  Well people lost their sewage and plumbing and have had to get awfully creative with their homemade “long drops”.


2 Responses to “Potty paradise”

  1. jenn Weyand March 8, 2011 at 12:24 pm #

    And if you haven’t been to Africa, Bali or any other “below the Equator” country, you might be interested to know that there are molded “squatters” that are referred to as “Toilets” by signage only. On a recent visit, we started rating the toilets — 1-5 stars. It was certainly helpful as you prepared to go in. Desperation was a factor in many cases.

    • Hot damn, Charlotte Ann! March 8, 2011 at 12:32 pm #

      Aah, the joy of a third world “toilet”. You learn what your capacity for “holding it in” is when confronted with the ground hole ringed by a porcelain tread, made only more awesome by a bunch of roosters staring at you.

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