Waxing celebrity

16 Mar

Sculpting in wax has been around since the Medieval times.  Way back then, it was creating a cool dimensional and flesh colored effigy of old world celebrities.  Think of it as chain maille CGI.  Without our modern transportation and photo-mats, this was most likely the only way the masses could ever catch a glimpse of what sort of calf Charlemagne cut.  It was an elevated and niche art form.   Even Leonardo da Vinci practiced in the medium from time to time.  I don’t know exactly when it’s integrity fell, but it’s now on par with velvet Elvis portraits and sad clown art.

Justin Bieber has just been “done” in wax recently.  What do you think?

Giving himself a reach-around

In 2005, Paris Hilton was in a movie called House of Wax.

Frozen in time

The gist of the movie revolves around a wax museum in an abandoned town that has especially life-like wax replications.  Spoiler alert: they look so real because they are cast from people who used to be, gasp, alive!!!  Aaag!  As novel as this story-line is, it wouldn’t work if the wax figures weren’t convincing.  Do you think Paris could have mustered tears and fright if she had bumped into the wax likeness of, say…

Why is she posed as a Ninja?

Drew Barrymore?  What about…

Clammy b-baller

Zac Efron?  Oh, those dreamy eyebrows.  Or maybe…

Smyrna's own

Julia Roberts?  I doubt that Paris would even recognize her old cohort…

Fellow ex-con

Lindsay Lohan.

These figures almost always  look like pallid corpses.  The “artist” pretty much takes a characteristic and just runs with it, like the character artists that drew your cartoon picture next to the log flumes at Six Flags in 1978…

From Madame Tussaud's in Vegas

Going by the hair and purple necklace, I think this is Liz Taylor.  In drag.

I had a bad dream

Well, it’s blackish and in a suit and that’s about all this thing has to do with Martin Luther King, Jr.  Where is the likeness?

Think it would "burn like a candle in the wind"?

Is this a fabulous, disco Friar or Elton John?  Take away the zany, trademark glasses and what are you left with?

Just frightening

Poor Sarah Jessica Parker.  Grab a feed sack and cue the whinny sound effect.


Sylvester Stallone’s wax figure looks like it may actually be decaying.

East of Never

It took me a minute to be certain that this one is of James Dean.  It could also be Martin Sheen.

The Hollywood Wax Museum had a big historic auction in May 2009 to clean out their coffers and make way for new statues of Ke$hit and Dane Cook.  But look at what got sold…


Couldn’t you just die?  Think of all of the good times that could be had with a wax figure of Granny Clampett.  I would have loved to have bought this, just to drive it around strapped to a chair in the back of my pick-up truck.  Luckily, she is wearing a shawl, ’cause to avoid melting she could only go out on the cold days.


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