Brass knuckle night

22 Apr

Aren't we adorable together?

I have a new girlfriend.  She gave me her phone number and we are totally going to do best friend stuff together like go shopping, talk about boys and swap recipes for organic face masks.  For reals.  Her name is Jen Kirkman, and you may have heard of her.  She’ll be at The Laughing Skull through the weekend, where you can go see her.  But know that she is mine.

Okay, so last night there was a girl-fight brewing in the bathroom.  Jen overheard things like killing and brass knuckles being discussed.  When that sort of thing happens you can’t not share it from the stage.  As luck would have it, all of the  brawling “ladies” were in the audience.  Hilarity ensued.

The core of the girl-fight was a dude and a messy break-up.  Jen is still kind of a newly wed, so she doesn’t have to worry about that stuff anymore.  Once you’re married you figure out that being married is really not such a b.f.d., but you now have a different vantage point about other people’s marriages.  Between Jen living in California and me living here in the South, we can talk a lot about gay marriage.  I think we both can pretty much agree that it’s harmless and not all that interesting.  What would be pretty riveting though is if gay marriage could be the gateway for some really spectacular oddball unions.  You know there would be a crazy cat lady dressing up Mr. Jingles in a kitty-cat top hat and a bow tie to walk down the aisle.  Or maybe creepy dragon-con guys would marry life-size Leeloo dolls.  The possibilities are endless.

But for now we are sticking with being married to men.  Manly men.  With guns.  And who will fight for your honor.  Jen talked about what a turn-on Ben Affleck’s character in The Town was.  I still haven’t seen it, but I am guessing it’s like in Goodfellas when Henry Hill pistol whipped the crap outta Karen’s neighbor and then gave her the gun to hide.  Meow.

When you get married, it’s like going to college and living in the dorm when you gain the freshman fifteen.  Why don’t my pants fit anymore?  Apparently when it happened to Jen, people told her it was because she was in love.  Turns out it could have also been because she thought that lapping the mall was exercise and so she could eat as much as she wanted to at the food court.   Because she’d be walking it off on the way back to the car.  Once Jen was faced with having to wear clothes with names like “Not Your Daughter’s Jeans” she knew it was time to go back to having proper meals…like cigarettes and a glass of wine for dinner.

Dinner for two

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