Get fired up for work

16 May

Just say "No, thank you"

Just when I began middle school, First Lady Nancy Reagan began her “Just Say No” campaign.  It was a movement directed at young children to teach them about the dangers of drug use and to emotionally inoculate them from ever getting into a situation where they learned about shake, aqua pipes or felt any desire to sway in the PhilZone.  To hammer in her point, Mrs. Reagan even appeared in a “very special episode” of Diff’rent Strokes, during season 5, to tell America’s youngsters how to decline invitations for the evil weed, PCP, LSD and anything else stronger than a St. Joseph’s baby aspirin.

Up until this point I don’t ever really recall there being any sort of anti-drug message out there other than my Grandfather loading us into his Cadillac to drive down 10th Street and then past Pershing Point to look at the hippies and scoff.   That all soon changed when The Partnership for a Drug Free America got together and rolled out the “This is your brain on drugs…” series of p.s.a. commercials.

Big Daddy and I still make fun of another one where the militant dad is demanding to know where his surly teen learned about marijuana and how he came to have a cigar box full of purple kush in his closet.  The kid finally snaps and says; “You, alright.  I learned it by watching you!!!”  Oooh, burn.

But my favorite was one with a couple of burners in their twenties hanging out in a basement playing Sega and toking on a fatty while talking about how cool things have turned out for them.  Then the voice of a disappointed mother is heard calling down the stairs asking if they had looked for a job while she was at work.  The message is that hanging out and getting high will get you nowhere good.  You will forever live in your parents’ basement and won’t get a job.  Well, not so fast…

Will there be a drug test for this job?

Potheads can now officially tell The Man to “suck it”, because their discerning skills and marginal talents are now in demand. That’s right.  It’s payday for anyone with a Ph.D in THC.   For every uptight parent who told their kids that “businesses don’t hire burn-outs and stoners”…suck it.  For every coach who said “losers can’t be winners in the game of life”…suck it.  And for every fast food assistant manager who said “you can’t get by, while you’re getting high”…suck it.  Arizona has legalized marijuana use for people living with illness, chronic pain, discomfort or the Cheech and Chong box set.  That actually covers a lot of folks and they are going to need some guidance as they navigate this new world of medicinal marijuana.  Enter the Tucson Weekly, who has posted a job opening ad for a freelance marijuana critic.  Dude!!!  Paper editor Jimmy Boegle said:

“A lot of sick people are going to be using medical marijuana and they’re going to want to know things like how is it to park, how good is the stuff they’re selling in terms of helping them with their symptoms.  What are the prices, what kinds of things are offered”

I am thinking readers will also need to know other pertinent information like which pizza delivery pairs best with Kentucky Gold, what movie to watch on mute while listening to Pink Floyd’s Darkside of the Moon or whether it’s cool to answer the phone.

Not to write too stoned an article

Applicants have until June 1st to motivate out of the La-Z-Boy and send in a resume and application.

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4 Responses to “Get fired up for work”

  1. Bear May 16, 2011 at 7:12 am #

    More to the point, what does the resume of the applicant look like? How does one prove expertise, or prior experience? Education? References? I would suppose a positive drug test is preferred? Ha! This is hysterical.
    thanks.

    • Hot damn, Charlotte Ann! May 16, 2011 at 7:30 am #

      Hmmm, good question. I can only imagine that a resume would be some old Phish, Widespread or Allgood ticket stubs crammed into an unused bill-pay envelope along with contact information scribbled on a Krispy Kreme Doughnuts napkin and maybe an account of “that year off from college” spent in Colorado selling lift tickets and working as a property manager for an apartment complex. Were I Editor Jimmy Boegle receiving this, I’d hire on the spot. If you have a derelict cousins looking for work, the job requirements can actually be seen here http://www.tucsonweekly.com/TheRange/archives/2011/05/04/tucson-weekly-seeking-medical-marijuana-critic

  2. storagepost May 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm #

    Who knew that Nancy Reagan dressed out of Michael Jackson’s closet.

    … and what a perfect job for most of the kids just getting out of The University of Arizona for the summer.

    • Hot damn, Charlotte Ann! May 16, 2011 at 2:58 pm #

      In 1984, Ronald Reagan awarded Michael Jackson some sort of award for his contribution to drunk driving awareness. Reagan asked that the spectators give up a little “TLC for the PYT”. I think Nancy’s Diff’rent Strokes appearance was in 1982, which then begs the question of whether it isn’t Michael Jackson who was dressing like Nancy.

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