Baby can’t work. Baby needs him check.

19 May

In the mid to late 90s, girlfriend Laurel’s husband, Mark, had the best job ever.  While taking a year to study for the MCAT and apply to schools, he had a part time gig working for an insurance company.  Not as a paper pusher.  Nor was he adjusting, estimating or cold calling for sales.  Mark had a “rape van”, a notebook and a camera with a telephoto lens.  He would stake out people who were making fraudulent disability claims and snap pictures of them mowing the lawn, lifting 55 gallon drums and working at roadside veggie stands.  He was a detective.  I love that shit!

Now a days, with the internets and all, being a disability detective isn’t quite as sneaky or invasive as it once was.  Dishonest, lazy people are usually not so smart, and a lot of them are creepy.  And are proud of it.  They will pretty much just hand you any damning evidence of what losers they are on a silver platter.  Or a TV show.

Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn saw an unusual video clip from the National Geographic show, Taboo, that made the viral rounds recently.

It chronicles Stanley Thornton’s home life, where he lives with his caretaker/roommate Sandra Dias.  Stanley spends half of his day wearing a footed fleece onesie, drinking apple juice from a bottle, playing with Legos and listening to nursery rhymes.  Miss Sandra soothes him when he is cranky and makes sure that his diaper is always dry and that he gets plenty to eat.  Stanley is in the hundredth percentile on his growth chart.  At over three hundred and fifty pounds, him is such a big boy!  Stanley is an adult baby.  No.  I did not say that he is an adult, baby.  An adult baby.  Huh?

In the video you can catch a glimpse of how Stanley lives as an adult baby.  He sleeps in a scale size custom crib that he built himself.  Stanley spends play-time in a special converted play pen that can support his chubby, wittle thighs.  He carried out the modifications on his own.  Currently, Stanley is putting together a scale size high-chair where Miss Sandra can feed him mashed bananas and rice cereal.  Thank God the film crew skipped changing time.

Here comes the choo-choo train. Where's the tunnel? And OMG...are those Miss Sandra's breasts?

But wait, babies can’t build furniture, can they?  I mean you have to go to the Home Depot to pick out and buy the materials.  There’s measuring, sawing, drilling and screwing involved.  How can Baby Stanley do this?   Well, Stanley can put on his big boy pants and do all sorts of big-kid stuff too.  He can drive, design and build furniture and he even runs his own website,  The only thing he can’t seem to do is work at a j-o-b.  Baby Stanley and his caretaker, Miss Sandra, a former nurse, both receive Supplemental Security Income benefits in addition to support from the great state of California.  Both claim to be disabled and unable to work.  Whaaa!

Sen. Coburn has questioned why benefits are being paid to these two.  In a letter to Inspector General Patrick P. O’Carroll, Jr., he asserted that Stanley and Miss Sandra’s benefit collection just might be improper.  In response via email to The Washington Times, Stanley threw a little temper tantrum…clearly he is in his “terrible twos” phase.  Stanley did the written equivalent of holding his breath until his face turns blue:

“You wanna test how damn serious I am about leaving this world, screw with my check that pays for this apartment and food. Try it. See how serious I am. I don’t care…I have no problem killing myself. Take away the last thing keeping me here, and see what happens. Next time you see me on the news, it will be me in a body bag.”

Oh, Stanley.  It sounds like someone needs a nappy-wappy.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word..."


7 Responses to “Baby can’t work. Baby needs him check.”

  1. Laurel May 19, 2011 at 5:13 pm #

    OMIGOSH! I saw this yesterday and became train wreck fascinated. And yes, I went to the website. I couldn’t stop myself. It is very friendly and welcoming to the Adult Baby Diaper Lover community.

    There is a community. ??? As the great detective I married once said, “Think of the weirdest thing you can and know this. Somebody gets turned on by that. And something weirder.”

  2. Hot damn, Charlotte Ann! May 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm #

    When I go to my administrator page and look at my site stats I am amazed by how people find my blog. It breaks down the most searched terms that synch with my tags…”adult baby”, from a post about internet clothing companies, is consistently a top feature. Shudder. Do you know about “pony people”? Don’t go down that rabbit hole unless you have some Ambien for when you need to sleep.

  3. Will May 19, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

    So will he still receive checks? And didn’t some US Senator from Louisiana get into wearing diapers for his prostitutes?

  4. Jackson May 19, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

    That’s it. I’m checking out. The state’s going to have to pay my rent from now on. Don’t believe me? Just try me. Yeah. I’m talking to you. (From what I can tell, playing the aggressor in this loony bin pays dividends.)

  5. Christopher Hall May 20, 2011 at 1:33 am #

    Stanley’s livin’ la vida nino. Pony people? WTF!?! How did I miss this freak show?

    • Hot damn, Charlotte Ann! May 21, 2011 at 8:03 am #

      I mentioned Pony People in a post a long time ago called “Best Dressed”. There really is something for everyone.

  6. Jesse November 5, 2011 at 7:11 am #

    Cut his benefits off… if he offs himself who cares? one less fat embarrassment to America.

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