Tag Archives: Marilyn Manson

Like, gag me with a coke spoon

1 Jul

When I was in fifth grade, my school began to teach us about drugs.  They are bad.  Drugs; not school.  In 1980, drug education was boiled down to scare tactics via weird stories about what happens when you sniff glue or take angel dust.  I still don’t really know what angel dust is, but I know that if I ever got a hold of some, it would make me stand on a tall building and think I could fly.  If you are too young, or too old, to remember the glory days of educational anti-drug reel-to-reels, this is a great introduction:

I learned that “dropping” LSD made people think that they were oranges and then they would try to peel themselves.   LSD, or acid, was probably the scariest drug that we were warned about.  It would make you see things that weren’t there, like beautiful flowers in gas stove flames that you would want to touch.  Acid would make you hear voices and if you took it more than three times you would be declared legally insane and you could never give sworn testimony in court.  Hippies took acid.  I was terrified of it.  Filmstrips like this didn’t dissuade me that LSD was the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.

Of course heroine is really bad too, but it was also just plain trashy.  “Junkies” always had gross teeth and just nodded and drooled.  When you were done being a junkie, you’d have to get on methadone.  To get methadone you have to stand in a line every day with other people trying not to be junkies anymore.  The whole needle thing rattled me, too.  I saw an ABC After School Special one time about a cute high-school girl who started doing heroine.  It messed up her life and brought shame to her family.  I would never want to drool on myself or stand in a line every day.

It was during this time when we were finishing up our drug education that cocaine started being a thing.  There weren’t any outdated filmstrips or pamphlets available yet and from everything on TV, it seemed like you had to be a stockbroker, a starlet or South American to get any.  It looked too expensive for ten year-olds to ever get their hands on it.  We skipped learning about cocaine.

And marijuana?  Total gateway to ruining your life.  My parents and teachers would tell me horrible stories about people “on pot”.  Once you tried pot, it was only a matter of days before you were in a straight-jacket on the way to re-hab after being busted for trying to pawn stolen goods to support your habit. When I was in middle-school all of the thuggy kids with divorced parents wore Adidas, because the logo was suggestive of a marijuana leaf.
My main take-away from my elementary school anti-drug unit was that you should never mix uppers and downers together.

Drug education in the new millenium is a bit more sophisticated, reality based and graphic.  Who hasn’t been totally freaked watching one of those meth-morphing clips on Dateline?  Or hearing about the not too far fetched rumor that Alice In Chains front-man Layne Staley had to have his hand amputated due to gangrene from a heroine abcess.  He soon after died of an overdose at age 34.  Eeew.  And just suffering through any jam band is enough to keep kids away from pot.  Or how about this latest thing with flesh eating cocaine?  Apparently, the booger sugar is now cut with some veterinary de-worming drug for livestock that attacks your skin after you partake.  It turns all purple and black.  Gross.

There are a lot more drugs out there now.  Crack, meth, ice, crank, ketamine, oxyanything and bath salts are all new on the scene.  And then there’s astounding invented stuff that people will smoke, snort, huff and inject to figure out if it’s “good”.  I once read an interview with Marilyn Manson, who was talking about smoking sherm with Leif Garret.  Sherm?  It’s a joint dipped in formaldehyde.  How bored do you have to be to give that a try?

I think that my tactic for keeping my own kids off drugs will probably just be this:

Don't do drugs

Gaga Hater

14 Feb

Okay, put on your eye muffs, because it may hurt  to see what is coming next.  Lady Gaga is ridiculous!  And I hate her.  That’s right, I said it.  I’m a Gaga hater.  Why?  How could I not, when it’s all just so awful.  Have you heard her invariable singing?  Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah.  Truthfully, I can’t really speak much to the singing, because it isn’t.  It’s an autotuned, monotone mess.  Have you seen those damn armadillo booties?  Plus the wigs, carnival face-painter makeup and gallons of fake blood.  Didn’t Gene Simmons cover that in the 1970s?  Glenn Danzig in the 1980s?  Marilyn Manson in the 2000s?

A bloody mess is what it is

And more recently, the Grammy thing last night?  Y o u  h a v e  g o t  t o  b e  k i d d i n g !  The pointy shoulders and the hat that was off, then on, then off, then on…The evidence is both too overwhelming and too expansive for me to catalogue here.  However, I am willing to show some exhibits that are without defense, but, of course, with comment.

Exhibit 1: What an ass

Who arrives anywhere like this?  This is some MTV My Sweet Sixteen crap right there.  Oh, the begging, nay, demand for attention!  Lady Gaga’s Creative Director, Lori Ann Gibson, said of this spectacle, “Lady Gaga is incubating.”  Then another jabber head in her team said that she was in an “embryonic stage” and wouldn’t be expelled from that egg/womb/pod thing until she reached the performing stage.  A-hem.  Let’s just step away from the whole Invasion of the Body Snatchers body cooking in a pod business and focus on the fact the Gaga has a Creative Director on her payroll.  Whatya make of that, fans?  It sounds like Lady Gaga, at the very least, pays someone to collaborate on or create her vibe. You don’t say!

Exhibit 2: Smells like a rape kit

Well, I guess we can all be thankful that Lady Gaga has skipped the sex tape phase of her rise to fame, unless you count the Alejandro video, but has jumped straight ahead to hawking a perfume.  It isn’t available  just yet, but she has inked a deal with Coty to develop her first fragrance.  And what is the scent of Gaga?  Tuberose and ylang-ylang?  Musk and amber?  What about Jasmine?  Not a chance.  Lady Gaga wants to capture the essence of blood and semen.  Marinate in that for a minute.  I can’t make this stuff up.  But Marketing and Press Directors can.

 

Exhibit 3: This made my heart sing

The Germans call it schadenfreude.  It is when you derive pleasure from the misfortune or downfall of others.  See those earlier referenced armadillo booties?  Dumb choice.  Or as my daughter would say, “Epic Fail!!!”  This happened in an airport.  I do get irritated by how casual travel has become.  (insert granny voice here)  People in dirty t-shirts, women in those tight terry cloth pants; it’s just awful.  When I was younger, we got dressed up to fly in an airplane.  It was an event.  It was special.  But this is a different kind of dressing up, isn’t it?  Who wears this sort of thing to walk to your gate?  Gaga’s costume designer, Zaldy Goco, should look into something more practical and less trip inducing for her client’s travel days.  Oh?  Yes, Gaga has a Costume Designer in the chink, too.  Quelle suprise!

 

Exhibit 4: Pleased to meat me

How funny would it have been to see her chased by feral dogs and cats while in this get up?  What is she trying to say here?  That she feels like a piece of meat?  That she’s trying to keep down some swelling?  It’s clearly not pork.  On Anderson Cooper, Gaga said that the message behind her look was that “dead meat is dead meat”.  Oh, I take it all back.  She is a genius.  Gag.  Gaga explained to Anderson that she was making a statement about the military’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.  Um, political statements are like jokes.  If you have to keep explaining the punchline, it’s not working.  I think we can agree that the idea needed to be a little more fleshed out.  Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

 

Exhibit 5: There aren't words

What happened to supermodels?  Why do magazines have actresses and singers on the covers, trying to pass them off as haute ‘hos?  For the love of Pete, get me an OSHA approved industrial grade ocular irrigation kit, an EpiPen and Anna Wintour on line 2, stat!  My eyes are burning!  The room is spinning, my throat is closing!!!  Aaahg!  It’s too much.

 

Exhibit 6: Classy at all times

Who in the hell fights with Jerry Seinfeld?

The thing about her that makes my skin crawl is that her whole thing is just so premeditated and manufactured.  Every last thing is a plan.  And not in the good Martha Stewart kind of way.

Exhibit 7: Poker face? Pearl face?

This looks like it’s going to take more than penicillin to get cleared away.  Born this way?  Are you kidding me?  She was born this way…

THIS way

…and has made calculated strides to get far, far away from how she was born.  So what does that mean for her message to her monsters for them to live authentically?  To be who they are and to embrace their identities?

Fraud.