Tag Archives: Sherm

Like, gag me with a coke spoon

1 Jul

When I was in fifth grade, my school began to teach us about drugs.  They are bad.  Drugs; not school.  In 1980, drug education was boiled down to scare tactics via weird stories about what happens when you sniff glue or take angel dust.  I still don’t really know what angel dust is, but I know that if I ever got a hold of some, it would make me stand on a tall building and think I could fly.  If you are too young, or too old, to remember the glory days of educational anti-drug reel-to-reels, this is a great introduction:

I learned that “dropping” LSD made people think that they were oranges and then they would try to peel themselves.   LSD, or acid, was probably the scariest drug that we were warned about.  It would make you see things that weren’t there, like beautiful flowers in gas stove flames that you would want to touch.  Acid would make you hear voices and if you took it more than three times you would be declared legally insane and you could never give sworn testimony in court.  Hippies took acid.  I was terrified of it.  Filmstrips like this didn’t dissuade me that LSD was the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.

Of course heroine is really bad too, but it was also just plain trashy.  “Junkies” always had gross teeth and just nodded and drooled.  When you were done being a junkie, you’d have to get on methadone.  To get methadone you have to stand in a line every day with other people trying not to be junkies anymore.  The whole needle thing rattled me, too.  I saw an ABC After School Special one time about a cute high-school girl who started doing heroine.  It messed up her life and brought shame to her family.  I would never want to drool on myself or stand in a line every day.

It was during this time when we were finishing up our drug education that cocaine started being a thing.  There weren’t any outdated filmstrips or pamphlets available yet and from everything on TV, it seemed like you had to be a stockbroker, a starlet or South American to get any.  It looked too expensive for ten year-olds to ever get their hands on it.  We skipped learning about cocaine.

And marijuana?  Total gateway to ruining your life.  My parents and teachers would tell me horrible stories about people “on pot”.  Once you tried pot, it was only a matter of days before you were in a straight-jacket on the way to re-hab after being busted for trying to pawn stolen goods to support your habit. When I was in middle-school all of the thuggy kids with divorced parents wore Adidas, because the logo was suggestive of a marijuana leaf.
My main take-away from my elementary school anti-drug unit was that you should never mix uppers and downers together.

Drug education in the new millenium is a bit more sophisticated, reality based and graphic.  Who hasn’t been totally freaked watching one of those meth-morphing clips on Dateline?  Or hearing about the not too far fetched rumor that Alice In Chains front-man Layne Staley had to have his hand amputated due to gangrene from a heroine abcess.  He soon after died of an overdose at age 34.  Eeew.  And just suffering through any jam band is enough to keep kids away from pot.  Or how about this latest thing with flesh eating cocaine?  Apparently, the booger sugar is now cut with some veterinary de-worming drug for livestock that attacks your skin after you partake.  It turns all purple and black.  Gross.

There are a lot more drugs out there now.  Crack, meth, ice, crank, ketamine, oxyanything and bath salts are all new on the scene.  And then there’s astounding invented stuff that people will smoke, snort, huff and inject to figure out if it’s “good”.  I once read an interview with Marilyn Manson, who was talking about smoking sherm with Leif Garret.  Sherm?  It’s a joint dipped in formaldehyde.  How bored do you have to be to give that a try?

I think that my tactic for keeping my own kids off drugs will probably just be this:

Don't do drugs

You like this?

1 Feb

Really, I just need to get over it and move on.  I don’t “get” tattoos in the same way that my Grandparents couldn’t get on board with that “niggra rock n’ roll music”.  I don’t ever even recall them listening to anything even as modern as the Cole Porter songbook.  They couldn’t wrap their minds around the thud of drums nor the vocal stylings of Mick Jagger.

The music scared my Grandparents, the album cover scarred me

It’s the same for me with “body art”.  Is it because my body is a temple?  Well, considering the kind of shape I’m in, that’s likely not it.  It could be that I change outfits three times before I go out.  I can’t commit to what I want to put over my body for an evening, much less on it for the rest of my life.  Having a tattoo on my ankle would be like wearing the same theme sock for the rest of my life.  The sock I would have picked out at age 17 is very different from the sock I’d wear today.

I think that most people who get tattooed have it done to commemorate something that holds an exclusive sentiment, to honor a special event or to memorialize a favorite parent.  Or, they really think it’s beautiful art.  Jews are the exception to this, by the way.  I buy t-shirts and jewelry as my life-experience souvenirs.  But I swear, I think there is a growing segment of the tattoo community that forego sporting a straight-jacket in public and just get shit inked on them so they can wear their mental health on the outside, as a sleeve.  Recently, we discussed Atlantan Gucci Mane’s triple scoop of face crazy here.  Well,  Atlanta’s own T. Pain must have drank some of Gucci’s water because he got some new “art” on a recent trip to Hawaii.

T-Pain loves FaceBook. I guess I just think it's okay.

I wonder if Auto-tune’s biggest fan made sure that he could get licensing on this bad-boy.  Maybe it’s a moot idea since it doesn’t really look all that much like what I know it’s supposed to be.  Did Mr. Pain and the hack with the tattoo needle light up some sherm before he got going?  This thing is not only dumb, it’s awful…it looks like a poorly lettered, grammatically incorrect (hello, don’t they have apostrophes in our 50th state?) black keloid with a rendering of some sort of pipe fitting or industrial faucet.  At least it’s not on his forehead, right?

Truth is, I’ve actually seen some pretty interesting tattoos.  And I have seen some that are very tongue in cheek.  What’s the best tattoo that you’ve ever seen?