I am “over the moon” about The Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. I can’t help that I am in a constant state of “about to wet myself”. I already know what I am going to wear and that I will be completely jacked up on Twinnings and scones by 9am on Friday morning. I am slightly grieved that this is such a non-event to my family, but luckily, I have Anglophile girlfriends to watch it all unroll with. When Charles and Diana were married in 1981, I was ten and at summer camp. My mother recorded it for me on our VCR to watch when I got home. Alone. It wasn’t how that should have gone down. Right now, silver is being polished, china saucers dusted off and fruitcakes are curing in the pantries of giddy women and gay men all over the world, anticipating the parade of fairy-tale love. It’ll be a grand affair, to be certain. But the details are still in a cloud.
Goober-smacks like me are all lathered up over who the guests are, and what they will be wearing. Little bits and pieces have been released about what the wedding cake will be, what refreshments will and won’t be served at the reception, how the wedding party will arrive and then later exit from Westminster Abbey. The greatest mystery surrounds the wedding gown of Kate Middleton and who its designer is. However, for as much as I love the Royals and want them to be what I expect…which is highbrow…I am kinda fascinated with the idea of what if Kate Middleton is one of those trashy Brits who love all things American? What if she has been watching shows like My Big Friggin’ Wedding and CMT’s My Big Redneck Wedding from her satellite to get some ceremony ideas? (I wonder if Nia Vardalos had the forethought to trademark “My Big _________ Wedding”.)
How validated would the American proletariat be if the bridal party were festooned in camouflage silk…
Photographer to wedding party, "Smile bigger...I can't see you!"
If the “something borrowed” was K-Fed’s Pimp chalice…
The chalice fit for a King
Or, what if the vows were sealed with a fist bump…
"You're my Shawty forever"
The Mountbatten-Windsors will have their choice of some pretty plush digs for setting up house. It is reported that they will start out in his rented farmhouse in North Wales. Yawn. Kate and William are all about being “green” and living modestly. This is so completely wrong. They should be in a castle…
The kitchen here is already staffed
Hot damn, Charlotte Ann! 
If I had it to do all over again I swear I would have had a Krystal’s slider station at either the rehearsal dinner or the reception. Actually, it would have been the rehearsal dinner. I’m pretty sure the club would have put their foot down about a Krystal burger station next to the lamb lollipops.
What I learned when I got married and had a wedding is that it had absolutely next to nothing to do with me and everything to do with my mother wanting to throw an elaborate cocktail party with a band. There was lots of head-butting and tears during the planning. My sister-in-law, Sheri, had the brilliant idea that we should just hire a wedding planner as a mediator. This seemed like a great solution. I presented it to my mother, who looked at me, took a long, deep drag off of her foot-long ciggie and said, “WHY would I hire someone when I already know how I want it to be.” The case was closed. I had a beautiful wedding and it was a blast, but it was not too much like anything I would have come up with.
If you can scrounge up some marmite crisps, I’m there.
I was away at camp during Princess Di’s wedding too. I was telling my kids about me and the other Girl Guides (English for Girl Scouts) being huddled around a radio and listening to the the Royal Wedding. Of course, I got that look like – “You are from the Stone Age Mom!!!”